The blithe statement at the end of the last post that I was off to paint up the deer heads
may have been a touch premature
as they appear to be a little more challenging than I expected
so you are getting new sketches of a perfume bottle or two
After a few rather disastrous attempts at the deer
Which kept looking oddly like cows that had been run over by steamrollers
I turned to finishing off some perfume bottles to get my confidence back
Not that it was that shaken... more stirred perhaps
And a perfume bottle or two put it to rights
especially as they were both able to be painted in my favourite blues
One of the things I love about drawing and painting is the whole risk of it
every now and again you get something that turns around and bites you on the hand
nothing you do can save it... and it bites you again and again
it may be a seemingly innocuous looking mug
or something as different as a miniature cardboard deer head
you never know which things are going to have a piece of your drawing sanity
it is one of the great challenges and always keeps it interesting
never knowing if this is the painting that is going to explode in your hands is half the fun
the whole high creative stakes thing is kind of what I love if I am honest
I know sometimes people get freaked out by the whole ruining it phenomenon
and I am not entirely immune to that
but I like that slight quickening of the heartbeat before you put paint onto a drawing
I like the leap, the whole risk factor, the who knows how it will turn out feeling
It is fabulous how it makes me concentrate and focus and not draw on automatic pilot
I like that the solution has to be puzzled out and the process is not immediately obvious
if I am feeling that then I know I will be creatively engaged and interested
It makes me happy just thinking about it
After all it isn't exactly going to have huge consequences is it
if a painting is mucked up
if a painting is mucked up
the world isn't going to suddenly tilt on its axis leading to total annihilation
the way it would if I was to ever see the end of the washing pile
there is no physical risk to life and limb
Though perhaps Sinus may feel there is a risk to his life and limb
if I am having a bad drawing day
It doesn't mean life is bad, or I am bad, or that I can never laugh again
or that I will never create anything of worth ever again
I am not going to suddenly lose heart and quit drawing because I made a dud
It's just not that big a deal in the scheme of things... It is just pen and paper and a bit of paint
I have destroyed my share of paintings... every week
And there isn't a sketchbook on the shelf that doesn't have pages that are appalling
but I can say there isn't one piece of work that has made my life worse
I haven't learnt from all of them
I have repeated the same mistakes... Many times
I have mucked up and destroyed perfectly promising starts
But then I have also had success clutched from the jaws of defeat
Pieces that make me happy and bring back great memories
Finished work I am proud of, or moderately tolerant of as well as some that I think are utter crap
But they are all mine... My time, my effort, my results
imperfect, a disaster or fabulous... it just doesn't matter
it means that I have had time to paint and draw
The bad ones make me more creatively resilient
And the good ones keep me coming back for more
So bring on more squished cow deer heads people... I am ready for them
happy painting all...xx
